Putting it Out There
This may be a long post so I apologize for those who will actually read it.
Dreaming, a way to let your subconscious take over and live the way you want to live. Now if I could live the way I wanted to I would. But sadly life doesn’t always work out like that. In fact many times your dreams are only a way to look at the positive, because things in life don’t like being positive. Everyday we have news about a new shooting, murder, rape, or theft. Life has many ways of being negative but it runs out of ideas when it comes to being positive.
However, the past looks dim, but hopefully our future can brighten.
This does deal with my past. Which right now seems pitch black. But maybe I’m just focusing on the negative and it isn’t the world. maybe it is me. I am so obsessed with truth and honesty in other people that I forget to do the same. And maybe this is where my bleak outlook comes from.
So here I go, to put it out there
I am afraid of people
afraid of trusting people.
Truth haunts me, not
other’s truth…
my own truth. My own
life leaves finger prints and
oil marks. Smearing my
reputation with everyone else.
I am afraid!
I can’t find the strength
I don’t even know where
to start. My demons, or
skeletons in my closet
waltz on my fear.
Revel in my weakness,
they laugh as I cry.
But is there anything else I
can do to stop them? I’ve
tried everything. I’ve tried
talking, venting, and being
one hundred percent
truthful. But humanity
has let me down.
Do I hold to high of a
standard for those around me?
Maybe, but as I watch
the sunset on another dark
day. I realize that all I have left is
myself. All I have left my ability to be
true with myself.
History may not repeat itself
ever. But mine has. Disappointment
after disappointment. Lie
after lie. My trust being broken
by the people I held the most dear.
So now I apologize to those
that have been left out of my life.
To those that I have short handed
by not being one hundred percent
truthful. And now to turn my life
and learn from my mistakes.
To tell all, or try.
Gooster said,
April 17, 2008 at 8:06 pm
The only standard you have to worry about it the one to which you hold yourself . If you expect others to live at your level, you will most likely always be disappointed. You should always hope that others will rise up to your level, and if they can’t or refuse, then what kind of friend are they?
You are going through a very fragile time in life, and it isn’t easy. You will learn that life is a lot like High School and the things you had hoped to leave behind will still be there. The only way to dismiss this is to rise above. You are a smart guy, and I know that if you keep your chin up, you won’t drown. I have left dear, close people behind because they refused to accept me or the positive changes I have made in my life. I had to tell them that I was not “that” guy anymore and I had to move on. It isn’t easy, but you will be thankful in the long run!!