Magic Words
Finally, my lungs can take in a little air. The pressure is gone, only to be replaced soon by a new pressure. How long till all find out and disown me?
That is a very bleak way to look at it, but that is all my mind can think about right now.
My mind is racing my heart is racing and my emotions are running faster then both of the others.
People are telling me it will be okay. I can only hope and trust them.
My Background:
I came from a very religious background and I went to a religious school for the first two years of college. Don’t ask me why. Anyway during the second year I was there my best friend wanted to date me…she pursued like mad. However I always had ways to change her mind or to make her think of other things. One: I let her in on a secret that no one knew at that point. I was raped at the age of 13…(Wow, hard to type.) however I soon got through that by pushing it out of the way and pursuing schooling and other ways to take my mind off of it…Alcohol and cigarettes.
So with that off my chest she backed off for awhile and just became my friend. One I thought I could tell anything to. However, she was very judgmental so I had to hide a part of myself. This part was the very essence of who I was. Trapped for an unknown amount of time. So tonight I let her know a big reason that I never dated her. I told her she is a great person, which she is, and that I love her friendship, which I do.
She was shocked and unable to speak. She had inklings about it but never thought that it could be true. (I guess I went into the right profession…acting, able to fool a lot of people.) She told me she would have to think about it and that she would call me when she processed…
Now I wait. and wait. and try to think of something else.
